My hands still itch...

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was a princess….

That’s who I was yesterday.  A normal girl might feel special if someone were to send her flowers, pick her up in a fancy car and whisk her away to an expensive restaurant or an exotic vacation.  Not me… I feel special when someone crawls up in my 125-degree attic, rolls around in nasty blown-in fiberglass insulation, fills and empties my shop vac with that insulation 37 times (thank goodness I bought that thing), bags it all up and promises to come back to help me finish.  All this AFTER he paid for my dinner, took me to get a big trashcan from the hardware store (since it wouldn’t fit in Kit) and rented me a movie to watch when the work was done.  A very special thanks to my friend Brett... for everything... except leaving his disgustly sweaty and fiberlglass insulation-covered clothes for me to wash... I guess it IS only fair... J

So, there’s a brief update on the construction project... with Brett’s help, I was able to clean out MOST of the attic over the ceiling I want to tear down in the living room.  Big step.  I’ll have to spend one more night vacuuming up insulation in the attic and then bring all of the bags down to the curb.  Then the lath and plaster will come down and the new sheetrock will go up.  Get excited.  J

I’m hoping to get the sheetrock work done next week sometime, which is the hold up on getting the rest of the living room finished.  Once it goes up, I can texture walls and ceiling, paint, rip up carpet and refinish floors.  Yay!  So Princess Cassie is feeling pretty good about her September 15^th deadline. 

No work is planned for tonight… I’m off to church for some much-needed time with Jesus.  But it won’t be long, I promise.  Pictures will be coming soon (the attic isn’t that exciting to look at) but when I start tearing out that plaster, it should make for some good photo opportunities. 

Random change of subject… if you didn’t already see this on my facebook… try this.  It’s fun.  J

1 - Open Google Maps (directions).
2 - Type China as your starting point.
3 - Type Taiwan as your destination.
4 - Read step 48.
5 - When you stop laughing, share it with someone else. J

Fast cars, fillings and filings...

Today is the second Monday of this week…

After working late last night because of a City Council meeting while my friends played on the lake without me, I went home feeling a little sorry for myself.  (Geez, I’m such a griper).  I tried to stay busy… did laundry, ironed clothes, took a shower, watched a movie, and finally went to bed right around midnight.  I didn’t sleep well… woke up several times throughout the night, finally falling to a normal sleep at just after 5:00 am.  Then at 7:27 am, I woke up in a bit of a panic.  I had a dentist appointment at 8:00 am… in Broken Arrow.  So I figured I could get ready for work after the appointment.  I washed my face, threw on shorts and a t-shirt, put my hair back in a ponytail and brushed my teeth (I thought the dentist would appreciate that).  I made time only to put the clothes I washed last night in the dryer so they wouldn’t sour today and then Kit and I hit the road… apparently a little too fast…

Right as I was rounding a curve on the Creek Turnpike at 83 miles per hour at 7:51 am and still about 12 minutes from my destination, there he was… Trooper Looper (yes, that really was his name).  He got behind me, drove for just a while, clearly running my tag which looks to be expired but is not (I’m just too lazy to put the new sticker on… it’s been in my cup holder since February) and finally hit his lights.  I changed lanes and pulled off to the right.  He told me I was speeding and asked if I was late to school.  I looked at him like he was crazy, forgetting that I probably do look about 19 with my ponytail and no makeup.  When I gave him my dazed look and didn’t answer he asked where I was headed to in such a hurry.  I told him I was late for a dentist appointment, to which he responded, “You’re going to have to give me something more believable then that.  No one’s in a hurry to get to the dentist.”  Then I laughed and we talked briefly.  He told me that pending my driver license didn’t show me to be a felon, he planned to let me go with a warning and asked me to come back to his car while he ran my information.  I was pretty impressed with the computer system he had in there and I’m sure he thought I was strange when I started asking him questions about it.  He played along though and enthusiastically answered them all, showing me everything from the card reader to the software and how to use it.  I finally said, “I wish our guys had something like this.”  Then I got his dazed and confused look.  I told him I worked for the City of Claremore.  He asked what I did there and I said I am the Executive Officer.  Dazed and confused look again… oh yes, that’s because I look like a teenager right now.  He actually looked at my license to see how old I was.  It was kind of funny. 

He finally let me go with my warning, driver license and insurance verification in hand.  As I was getting out of his car he said, “Have fun at the dentist!”  Gee thanks, Trooper Looper.  J

So I texted mom (who works at the dentist) and told her I was running late and got back on the road setting the cruise control for right at the speed limit.  I arrived only about 13 minutes late and they seated me immediately.  Then the fun started.  I had to get two cavities filled.  L  I haven’t had a cavity in years and was so disappointed when two baby cavities were discovered in #6 and #11 at my routine cleaning a couple weeks ago.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with how to number teeth, those are my two canines.  How do you get a cavity in your canines?  Especially both at the same time?  All my previous cavities were in molars… these were my first front and center cavities.  So after the numbing and needles and drilling and patching and more drilling and smoothing and blah, blah, blah, they released me with a numb face.  I’m not sure why the dentist feels it’s necessary to numb you from your cheekbones to your chin just to work on two very small areas, but as I’m writing this six hours later, the feeling is just starting to come back in my nose. 

After leaving Dr. Carlile’s office I headed back home to make myself look presentable for work.  I cranked the A/C to an all-time low at my house to try to cool it down for work I plan to do in the attic this evening and headed for City Hall.  I arrived to find that the local newspaper is planning to file charges against the City for what they consider to be a violation of the Oklahoma Open Meetings Act.  They’re absolutely mistaken and the charges will be thrown out, though you’ll never read that on the front page.  Just one more thing I have to deal with that distracts me from doing my actual job.  Someday I will again be able to serve citizens… I hope.

Only two more hours left at the office and still a huge stack of work to do.  But that’s okay… job security, right.  J  I will get to it this week.  I have to, or I’ll end up throwing it all away.  After all, some of it has been sitting there past the use-it-or-trash it deadline.  This seriously is what my desk looks like right now…

My messy desk

I know what you’re thinking… why are you blogging if your desk looks like that?  Well… because I promised you I would. J  But you are right… time to get back to work.  I’ll post a picture of the desk Friday to show you how much I accomplish.  Until tomorrow…

My escape...

I know, I know.  I skipped another Sunday.  I’ve decided that Sundays are not conducive to blogging, so I’m changing my original plan of 30 consecutive days.  I will blog everyday for a month, with the exception of Sundays.  After all, it’s the Lord’s day and I should rest.  J

But I will tell you about my Sunday.  Yesterday was a hard one for me.  I nearly lost someone I so dearly love to a stupid argument.  I needed something they couldn’t give me and I almost let that be the end of it.  If you really know me, you know I am a giver.  I give so much of myself, all the time.  And the truth is I wouldn’t have it any other way.  The only time in life I have truly felt fulfillment is when I am helping others, taking care of them, doing things for them, being supportive of them, encouraging them, whatever they need.  I need to know that people are better off because of how I have treated them.  It truly is a fulfilling way to live my life and I love it.  But… even givers need to take once in a while… to be refilled.  And yesterday was that day for me.  It was an end to one of those weeks where I felt like everyone was breaking off and taking pieces of me instead of allowing me to give them.  I needed someone to fill me back up, to pay attention to me, to make my feelings a priority instead of theirs.  And I got neglected, ignored, criticized and even made fun of for my feelings.  And it hurt.  Really bad.  I reached a breaking point where I just wanted to lock myself away from the world, but at the same time I needed to crawl into the arms of someone who loves me and just let them hold me.  I needed someone to make me the priority… to do something for me just because they cared about how it would make me feel.  It could have been anything.  But it had to be something.    

After battling and probably even forcing a friend to understand that what I needed was just to matter enough that my feelings came first for once, we headed to Eureka Springs for a little impromptu escape.  It was exactly what I needed.  The drive alone was beautiful enough to calm my nerves.  Arkansas is such a beautiful place.  God really did a good job there. 

I have only been to Eureka Springs once… a friend took me to see the Passion Play there when I was in college, but we didn’t stick around or do any sight-seeing or shopping or anything, so I didn’t really know what to expect.  Because this time it was a last-minute decision to get away, we got there a little late and many of the stores were already closed, but we did get to browse around a little bit. 

Our first purchase was at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate factory… just what the doctor ordered… peanut butter fudge, macadamia nut toffee and a strawberry smoothie.  J  We poked around in various shops looking at shoes, hats, knives, jewelry, home decorations, coffee mugs, etc.  I touched every wind chime that was hanging outside just to hear what noise it made.  That alone made me feel so much better.  I tried on a hot pink cowboy hat, which also helped.  It’s the little things.  J  Even though a lot of the places were closed, I enjoyed just walking around looking at everything.  Some of the buildings in Eureka Springs were built as far back as 1829.  Being a lover of architecture, specifically old buildings, it was really cool to see them and how the town was literally built into the side of the mountain.  My favorite building was the Courthouse and City offices.  I didn’t think to take a picture of it, so I found one of flickr…

Photo taken by Bobby Acree

The County courthouse is the main part of the building and then the City offices are underground.  This building is so cool to me.  And not just because it’s where I’d probably work if I lived in Eureka Springs.  It was built in 1909 and I can only imagine the 100+ years worth of history and stories this building could tell.  The solid infrastructure and almost churchlike design of the building make it easy to notice.  I love the large stones that they used back then.  I’m fascinated with old, downtown buildings and someday, I do plan to own one.  Not sure yet what I’ll do with it… I just want one.  And when I do, I hope it looks something like this one. 

After we were done browsing, we ate a light dinner on the balcony of an old hotel.  It was calm and peaceful and overlooked all those neat old buildings.  The misters were blowing a cool breeze as we ate and for a second, I didn’t want to leave.  I didn’t want to go back to reality where there are other people and pressures and deadlines and meetings and responsibilities.  I just wanted to stay and enjoy the quiet and calmness of this little mountain town.  I wanted this to be my reality.  But because I am a responsible person who has meetings and deadlines today, we finally left.

On our way home we made a slight detour so that we could check out Beaver Lake and the White River… both astonishingly beautiful.  Being a little bit of a lake rat with a love for the great outdoors, I’m so glad we drove by.  Again… no pictures… we never actually stopped.  It was late and we had a long drive ahead of us so we just made the scenic drive across the river, along the lake, over the dam and then back around the other side of the lake.  It too was beautiful and calm and peaceful and another sign of God’s handiwork in Arkansas. 

So I now have a newfound love for the quiet little town of Eureka Springs.  I will go back… soon.  I will take a real vacation, which I have never actually done for me.  All my trips, travels and vacations in the past have been to see family or help out friends or attend weddings or funerals in other states.  Since I’ve had a big-girl job, I’ve never just gone somewhere because I wanted to… so I will.  I’m adding this to the bucket list.  I will spend a few days in Eureka Springs this fall.  I will check out all the stores, eat whatever I want, rent a canoe to go down the river, fish in the lake, stay in a quaint little cabin… no schedule, just whatever I feel like… only this time, I’ll take lots of pictures to remind me how it felt to have a moment of enjoyable serenity.

Today it’s back to City Hall, tomorrow it’s back to remodeling… the week is full of late after-work meetings, places to be, people to please, topped off with a family reunion and a wedding this weekend… but soon… it’s back to Cassie.  J

I encourage all of you who may feel a little bogged down to make plans to do something for yourself.  Or better yet, ask someone who loves you to make plans to do something for you.  And make sure your plans don’t actually include any plans other than just enjoying whatever you feel like at the moment.  Just go somewhere nice and see what you find.

Happy Monday!

The party doesn't start 'til we walk in...

Last night, in an effort to have some good girl time (one of the items on yesterday’s list), I attended a bachelorette party at Grand Lake.  A special thanks to my friend Jerry Brother for letting 27 girls invade his house for a little pre-wedding party time.  And congrats to the bride-to-be, Courtney, on her upcoming marriage.  I hope she enjoyed her last weekend as a “Miss.”

Normally these types of parties are not really my style.  I’m a little more modest and reserved then most.  Seeing a girl decked out in penis attire makes me a little uncomfortable at best.  But I needed a girls’ night out and I was determined to have a good time.  So I did.  J 

The majority of the girls there were sorority sisters from my days at NSU so the company was good.  We went to Ugly’s, which is normally dead on a Friday night, but we definitely brought the party, as you can imagine.  J  I was especially excited to see my friend Leanne there, who is planning her own wedding for next summer. 

All the cool kids wear blue rompers :)

Leanne is one of the classiest people I know.  I truly enjoy her company and respect her more then she could ever know.  We sat together while the bride-to-be was getting the party warmed up with her lap dance by a strange man and a little karaoke.  J  She and I engaged in a much-needed heart-to-heart, which of course, included a little talk of the male population.  I am so happy that someone with such a genuinely sweet spirit is so happy and I wish her the best of everything in her life and future marriage.  And because she seems so genuinely happy with her future, I listened when she suggested a book to me.  The book, which shall remain nameless for now, was already downloaded to my iBooks before we left Ugly’s and I completed reading it today.  It was so elementary, yet insightful.  I enjoyed reading it and I hope the future Mrs. Stephens is happy to know that I have already started following “the rules,” as hard as they may be.  I am after all, good with lists, so the challenge presented in this book should be easy for me to take on.  Once I reread it a couple times and apply it to my life for a couple months, I will share the title and information on the book with you and let you know how it worked for me.  For now, based on who may be reading this blog, I would prefer to keep this journey between me and Leanne.  J 

So I am happy to report that I have one girls’ night and one more book under my belt.  That’s two things I can cross off that bucket list…

The bucket list...

As promised, after relieving some major aggression on the kitchen cabinets in the downstairs apartment I am remodeling, I sat down to write my bucket list last night.  In case you missed yesterday’s blog, I said I planned to make a realistic list of all the things I want to accomplish by the time I turn 30.  We are now down to 11 months and six days until the big day.  The list ended up being a combination of one-time projects I want to complete, personal goals I want to accomplish, habits I want to develop and personality traits I want to refine.  Some of them are serious, some of them are silly, some of them are too personal to give you any real details on, some of them will be very difficult for me and some of them I included just to insure I’d have something to cross off the list.  So here goes…

My Bucket list…

… Run a 5k in another state.  This is a simple one.  But for those of you who know me, you know that I enjoy running.  Not really long distances… just 5 and 10ks.  They are good stress relievers, don’t require a lot of training and are fun.  I’ve done them all over Oklahoma.  But now I want to do one somewhere else.  This will be an easy goal to accomplish because I have already signed myself up for one while I’m on a mini vacation in September.  Details to come… 

… Complete the Warrior Dash.  This is basically a 5k running event combined with an obstacle course.  I have wanted to do it since I first heard about it more than two years ago, but it just never worked out because of the travel required to do it.  But… they are bringing it to Tulsa this year.  My goal is to get a small group of friends together to do it with me.  Not for the competition factor, but more for the fun factor.  I mean, every participant gets a free Viking helmet with registration.  How can you say no to that?  J  If you want to join me, you can get details here. 

… Complete a marathon.  Now normally, I am not one to set a goal like this.  Don’t get me wrong… I like to run… but I have no desire to put my body through the torture required to run 26.2 miles.  The only reason this is on my list is because my friend Jennifer is organizing a marathon in February to raise money for the organization Orphan Hope International.  It is a group close to her heart and the money will go to build safe houses for orphans in Columbia.  So since it’s for the kids, and who wouldn’t be proud to say they completed a marathon, I’m doing it… Remember this list is fluid… I may just do the four-man relay… J

… Cheer my sister on as she walks across the stage to become Dr. Woods.  She will be graduating from the University of Arkansas in May with a PhD in Chemical Engineering.  Smarty pants… but I want to make sure I’m there to see it happen.  So it’s on the list. 

… See my little sister marry to the love of her life.  This is on here mostly because like the PhD, I know it’s one that will for sure happen so I’ll have something to cross of the list.  Congrats to Laurney Cakes and Walter Talkie.  J

… Take a beach vacation.  This one is on here for two reasons.  One, because I need it… really bad.  Two, because my sister is doing a destination wedding in Cozumel.  So it’s also pretty much a given.  J  I did go a little above and beyond though… I could have done the basic three-day trip to see the wedding, enjoy the beach for a day and head home.  But I went big.  I paid for the eight-day, seven-night, all-inclusive stay at the resort.  I also paid for a guest… not sure yet who I’ll end up taking with me… But I am sure that it’s going to be a good time. 

… Finish remodeling my downstairs apartment.  A little background… during the snowstorm in February, the hot water side of the kitchen faucet exploded pouring hot water into the apartment like an erupting volcano.  Because I got snowed in at a friend’s house and the apartment was vacant, the water ran in it for four days before it was discovered.  Since it was hot water and it was closed up, it was like a sauna in there and literally took the paint off the walls.  After I discovered the problem and got the plumber out to fix the faucet (or really just cut the water to it off), I decided to gut the place.  With that much water, I didn’t want to take any chances with mold so I ripped out carpet, ceilings, sheetrock, insulation, cabinets, everything… basically took the place down to the studs… or am actually still working on it.  But the demo is almost complete and it will soon be time to rebuild.  I plan to expand it a little bit and do some major updates including new wiring.  I hope to have this completed and ready to rent by the end of the year. 

… Finish the remodel of the living room in my house.  I told you about the house in a previous post.  I also told you about my September 15^th, Netflix goal.  It’s going on this list too.  Things I still need to do in there are replace the old plaster ceiling with sheetrock, texture and paint walls and ceiling, paint window sills, clean fireplace, stain pine wood on accent wall, refinish hard wood floors, move furniture in, hang pictures on walls, connect internet and cable. J  At this point, this is the top priority on my list.  I will get this done in the next two months.  I will.

… Finish the remodel of the two bedrooms and closets.  This will be a much easier project to complete.  The walls, ceilings and windowsills in the bedrooms have already been done, complete with texture and paint.  We replaced the plaster in the closets with sheetrock already but have yet to texture them.  I have been waiting until we get that muddy mess out for the living room to do it all together.  Same goes with the hard woods.  I have been waiting to do the bedroom floors until the living room is ready to do so I only have to rent the machine once.  So since the living room will be done in two months, this also will be done in two months.  It will be so nice to have the large majority of the projects in the living areas done so I can start focusing on the bathroom, utility room and kitchen and have a finished place to sit and make new lists for them.  J  

… Become a lifetime member of the NSU Alumni Association.  This is really something I probably should have done seven years ago when I graduated.  If you add up the money I have paid every year since then for an annual memberships, I could have already paid for the life membership, so this year, I’m doing it. 

… See at least one new movie in the theater each month.  I used to go to movies all the time.  It’s one of those things I really enjoy.  But I haven’t kept up with that very well.  So I’m putting it on the list.

… “Discover” at least two new music artists that aren’t mainstream, buy their albums and memorize every song on them.  This is something I used to do a lot.  I have a huge iTunes library of songs I love by people you’ve never heard of and I love it.  Music is such a love in my life and sometimes the stuff the radio provides you, even Pandora or Sirius, doesn’t even scratch the surface on what amazing talent is out there.  So this year I plan to find at least two artists to add to my library.

… Spend more time with my family.  This one is pretty broad and hard to measure so I’m going to break it down a little farther…

… Hang out with my mom once a month.  Sometimes I get annoyed with myself that even though my mom only lives about 12 minutes from me, I let my life get so busy that I don’t make time to visit her.  So I’m making a goal of hanging out with her at least once a month.  By hanging out I mean for the sole reason of spending time together, not working on my house or her house or my sister’s house (we all have major projects on our hands)… we can do dinner, go for a walk or just sit and watch TV, doesn’t really matter to me.  It’s just something I need to be better at.

… Same goes for Sarah and the kids.  Sarah is my older sister, who also lives in Claremore and also has a construction project going.  She is the mother of my beautiful nephew and niece.  I want to add them to the once a month list.  I need to spend more time with all of them.  Sarah to give her a break from her busy world and the kids to get to see them grow up.  So I plan to hang out with Sarah once a month (maybe even combine this with the mom visit from time to time for some mother/daughter/sister bonding) and take the kids somewhere once a month, both to give Sarah a break and to get to see them grow up so someday they don’t look back and say “We like Aunt Cassie okay, but we never really got to see her much.” 

… Visit Lauren in Fayetteville at least twice this year.  Lauren in my little sister.  I’m ashamed to say that since she moved to Fayetteville three or four years ago, I have only visited twice.  L  So this year, I plan to go at least once each semester.  In the fall to do her favorite thing… cheer on the Razorbacks in a football game, and in the spring just to visit and maybe help with wedding stuff.

… Go visit my dad and Kim.  They live in Seabrook, Texas, now.  They used to live in California and I got in a bad habit of never going to visit.  Now that they are closer, I should make it a priority.  So I’m adding this to my list.  I will go visit my dad and stepmom in Seabrook at least once before I turn 30.

… Go to one OSU football game.  There is no real reason for this being on my list, except that it’s something I really enjoy.  I very rarely make time for things I enjoy anymore.  Last year I missed the one game I had tickets to because I let something I enjoy less take precedence.  This year, I will go.  I will cheer on my Cowboys just like old times.  Go Pokes!

… Start teaching again at NSU.  Since I got my degree from NSU, I have periodically taught undergraduate classes within my department there… everything ranging from Speech to Mass Comm to Web Design.  I really enjoy doing it.  The pay isn’t spectacular, but I take pride in it and it gives me a little fulfillment.  The semesters I don’t do it, I always end up wishing I had, so this year, I’m getting back in the classroom.  It is my goal to teach one section in the fall and one section in the spring.

… Attend at least one concert a quarter.  I briefly mentioned that I am a music fan.  But it may be a touch more extreme than I let on… I particularly love concerts.  I have seen a wide range of musicians live… Carrie Underwood, Heart, Nickelback, Lady Antebellum, Ozzy Osbourne, Chicago, Taylor Swift, Boyz to Men, Shinedown, Brad Paisley, Hinder, Three Dog Night, Miranda Lambert, Bon Jovi, Saving Abel, Tyler Hilton, Brandy, REO Speedwagon, Mike Posner, Eric Church, Keith Sweat… just to name a few.  There’s a good chance I’ve seen vastly more people in concert then most people my age.  I spent a chunk of my life going to concerts on at least a monthly basis.  Not even because I was big fan of whoever was taking the stage, but just because I love concerts.  As you can tell by the few that I named above there is no particular genre of music I prefer.  I just like concerts.  While I still go when there is someone I really like playing, I haven’t gone to as many as I would like to… this goes back into the category of doing more things I enjoy simply because I enjoy them.  So I will go to AT LEAST four concerts over the next year.

… I will wash my car at least every other week.  When I first got Kit I was so good about taking her to the car wash once a week.  But when she still had crap on her from the February Snowstorm in late March and the Memorial Day bugs from the drive to Little Rock didn’t get washed off until my birthday, I realized that I have seriously been neglecting my baby.  So I’m adding it to the list.  What’s the point of having nice things if you don’t’ take care of them.  So Kit will get a bath every other week and she will be parked in the garage every night that I stay at my own place. 

… Get a new phone.  I still have the old iPhone 3GS… and it is sucking my will to live.  But I hate to spend money so I have been putting off buying a new one.  But I will.  I will do this before I turn 29 and a half.  It will be done in this calendar year. 

… Read at least 12 books.  This averages out to one a month, which is absolutely doable.  I enjoy reading and it’s better for my mind then TV or Internet, so it’s going on the list.

… Tithe a set amount each week.  I know the amount but you don’t need to… that’s between me and God.  But it’s on the list because I need to make sure I am accountable to myself where this is concerned.  Sometimes I forget, sometimes I just choose not to… this year I will tithe each week.  I always feel good about it when I do give, so this is a chance to feel good on a weekly basis.  J

… Get rid of three specific personal items I don’t want or need anymore.  I have three items in my possession that I at one time paid over $1000 each for and while they no longer serve any purpose or have any emotional or personal value to me, I haven’t been able to get rid of them based solely on how much I paid for them.  Stupid reason… it’s time to do the housecleaning I should have done a long time ago.  This year I will either sell them or donate them.  I need them gone.

… Have girls’ night once a month.  I have tried to do this in the past, but I always end up falling back into old habits.  All of my friends that live in Claremore and I routinely hang out with are guys… which is great because there is little drama and they are fun.  But every girl needs girlfriends.  So I am making a point to set aside at least one evening a month where I spend time with girlfriends only.  It will probably be different girlfriends each month, but it will be nice to catch up with all of them. 

… Attempt to make amends with a few select people.  I have a small handful of people in my life that for a variety of reasons there have been conflict with that has caused anything from minor awkwardness to major tension.  I am making it a goal to at least attempt to make amends with those people.  While with some of them I have already attempted this, I can put forth a better effort with some of the others.  So I will.  And if by the time the big birthday comes around, they haven’t come around, I have to make the choice to write them off.  It requires far too much energy to try to walk on eggshells with people.  So I will do everything in my power to fix the relationships between now and then and if I can’t I will let them go.

… I said earlier that some of these goals were too personal to give you details on… this is one of those.  But just for the sake of having it on my list as a reminder to myself I’ll say this… I will let go of past issues… I will forgive all the mistakes, including the ones I made… I will make a decision about my future in regards to this… and once I do, I will force someone else to do the same.  I have already made great strides toward where I want to be in regards to the first two items of this goal, but the last two parts of this are going to be the hardest.  But it’s a huge part in my happiness and will be required for me to reach my overall life goals.  So it definitely needs to be done before I’m 30.

… I will be debt free at the age of 30… with the exception of my house, which isn’t scheduled to be paid of until I’m 38 and my student loan which isn’t scheduled to be paid off until I’m dead… other than that, I will have no debt to my name when I reach the magic number.

… Get a dog.  For those of you who had the privilege of knowing Dotti, my precious baby I lost to a heart tumor earlier this year, you know how hard it will be for me to ever find another dog that compares to her.  She was so smart, well-behaved, loving, protective… all the good characteristics of a dog and none of the bad ones.  But I do love dogs and I do want another one.  I want a puppy that I can train to do all the things that Dotti did, like get in her box when I said, “I have to go to work.”  Or go lay on her bed when I would say, “It’s bedtime.”  Or would let her bladder explode before she’d have an accident in the house.  Or could keep up with me on a three-mile run and never have to be on a leash.  Or would play fetch for as long as I’d keep going but would calmly lay down with her toy as soon as I said, “Go play with it in the floor.”  Or knew just how far she could go without crossing that line on the tile to comply with the no dogs in the kitchen rule.  A dog that good requires a lot of attention to get them there, so I will wait until the living room and bedrooms are complete in my house.  I don’t really want to train a puppy in a construction zone… but I will have a dog before I turn 30. 

… Weed my flowerbeds.  I told you in a previous post the lady who lived in my house before me had a fascination with plants.  She converted every space where there should have been grass into a flowerbed.  Some of them I have converted back to grass because it doesn’t make since to me to have gigantic flower beds in the middle of the yard, but some of them I left.  And they are in severe need of some TLC.  They are out of control.  The shrubs and bushes in them are in need of a good shaping and the flowers are being overtaken by grass, weeds and baby oak and maple trees from the fallen helicopters and acorns.  So I will get them manicured this year.  When the flowers start coming back in the spring, they will have nice clean beds to live in and once I get them where I want them, I will keep them that way.

… Do legs and arms once a week.  I am a runner and a cycler and that keeps me in pretty good shape.  But as I get older, I realize that it’s just not enough anymore.  I really need to focus on muscle toning.  The only problem… I despise the weight room.  I have no upper body strength so I feel retarded with my 15 pound weights in a room full of guys who could bench me, my ADD kicks in and I lose interest and head to the treadmill.  I but I really need to set a goal to develop some new habits where this is concerned.  So I am committing to do both legs and arms at least once a week for the next year.  The main reason is for overall health and strength, but if nothing else, I’ll look good at my 30^th birthday party.  J

… I will get rid of everything that I don’t need.  I have already disclosed that I don’t keep things I don’t need… but I failed to tell you that if it’s anything that can be sold or donated, it usually ends up in the storage building behind my house.  Then it sits there forever because I either think that maybe we’ll have a garage sale or I’ll wait to take the stuff to SafeNet until I have a big load.  This year I will do both… mom and I will get together this fall and have a going out of business garage sale and then all remaining items will be donated.  No questions asked.  Nothing will go back in to my storage building.  Nothing. 

… I will do something just for me, without giving thought to what anyone else wants.  I don’t think I have ever in my life done this.  I mean sure I’ve done things that I enjoy or that I wanted, but I always get so wrapped up in making sure the people I have brought along with me enjoy it too that I don’t get to enjoy it as much as I should.  This year, I will do something with just myself in mind.  I will be selfish.  I know this doesn’t sound like an admirable goal, but it’s something I need to do nonetheless.  So I will.  Before I turn 30 I will do something without giving consideration to anyone but myself.  And I will force myself to enjoy it.  J

… to sum it all up… I will cherish the good, forget the bad and live each day for the next 11 months and six days with the goal of enjoying my life and becoming a happier person.

That’s my before I turn 30 bucket list.  I’ll keep you posted on the ones I accomplish…

New day... new list...

Life can be a range of emotions… wonderful… fulfilling… joyful… quiet… confusing… unfinished.

My life is wonderful and I am happy… but I know there is more for me then this.  It’s hard when you know exactly what you want, but you have no idea how to get it. 

That’s where I am at.  I know what I want, where I want it and with whom I want it.  But I haven’t been able to get that ball rolling.  I’ve just recently entered the last year of my 20s.  I’d always hoped to have it all together by the time I hit the big 3-0.  I’ve always said that’s the magic number… that’s when I’d have the career, the house, the family… the life.  As I get closer and closer to that number, I’m realizing that if I intend to meet that goal, it’s time for me to kick it into high gear… time for some forward movement. 

Sometimes life hands you lemons.  You can either choose to look at them with a sour face because what you really wanted was strawberries, or you can make lemonade.  To many times, I have chosen option A.  But not today…. today I’m choosing to make lemonade, open a lemonade stand and make a huge profit on the lemons life gave me… figuratively speaking of course. 

I am a list person.  I love to make lists.  Right now I have six different lists on my refrigerator… everything from a grocery list to a construction list to a songs I want to download list.  Tonight I’m writing a new list… a bucket list… not a before I die bucket list… I want it to be a little bit more targeted then that.  Tonight I’m writing a bucket list of all the things I want to accomplish by the time I’m 30.  Tomorrow I will share that list with you in hopes that you will help hold me accountable to it.  As is my style, I will prioritize my list and focus on one thing at a time, because as I complete one piece of the puzzle of my future, my vision for the other parts may change. It will be a fluid list that I can add to and take away from any time I want.

My goal for this list is that it is realistic.  I don’t want it to be four pages long.  After all, I’ll be 30 exactly 11 months and one week from today.  I need to be able to break it off in pieces.  The list making starts tonight.  The list completion process starts tomorrow.    Wish me luck.  J

Rain and vampires... two of my favorite things...

Yesterday it rained!  Well sprinkled really.  But since it was the first precipitation in what seemed like forever, it felt like a monsoon.  And it was awesome.  I even had to go outside and roll my windows up that I had left cracked to avoid blistering burns from my black car interior.  And then, five minutes later, it was over.  L  Since I don’t have TV… and honestly, when the weather is dry and 100 degrees for so many days in a row, you just kind of figure that’s what it’s going to be again tomorrow…. I had no idea I should expect the rain to come back.  So imagine my surprise as I’m lying in bed… trying to ignore my cell phone that is already going crazy with emails and text messages at 6:45 am… when I hear a little rumbling outside.  Could that be thunder?  It is!  Yay!  Normally on rainy days, getting out of bed is harder than normal.  But not today.  Today called for a celebration.  So I continued to ignore the messages, put the iPhone on the stereo, turned the music up and danced around my house while I got ready for work.  I even got ready early enough to do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom and still get to work 10 minutes early.  Thank God for the rain and for my good mood today.  I needed it.  J

Because I’m having a shortage of exciting things going on in my life this week, today I’m blogging about a new book I just started reading.  I should preface this by saying that I am kind of a vampire fan.  I love vampire shows… from The Vampire Diaries on the CW to True Blood on HBO to movies like Underworld and Van Helsing (and not just because I might have a little girl crush on Kate Beckinsale).  No matter how cheesy, I still enjoy them.  Not the bloody, gory, nasty ones, but the ones where the vampires show their human side and you are able to get attached to the characters.  I rented the entire set of DVD’s from Blockbuster to catch up on The Vampire Diaries after not having cable forced me to miss a whole season.  I know… I’m that ridiculous. 

Now I will say that the Twilight movies are terrible, horrible acting and in many ways they leave out important parts from the novels.  But then maybe that is my problem with them.  I read the books first.  And discovered that I love vampire books as much, or maybe more, then vampire shows and movies.  I am a little ashamed to admit this, but I breezed through all four Twilight books, as well as read the start of the fifth one online.  Sadly, Stephenie Meyer never finished writing it, but she did write The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner… Bree was one of the young vampires killed in the novel, Eclipse, the third book in the Twilight series… and of course I read it too.  But before I read them, I spent many months after the books got popular making fun of all my friends who religiously read the books and bought their movie tickets a month in advance.  I assumed they were cheesy and childlike and not worth my time.  When my then boss came into my office to tell me how he just finished the series, I thought, “Really?  And you’re a guy.  What adult male admits that he read the Twilight books?”  And of course I teased him like crazy.  But being so sassy always has its downside… one night, while house sitting for my boss and his wife who were out of town, I got a little bored.  I saw the books on the shelf and thought, “If nothing else, it will help me fall asleep.”  That was at around 10:00 pm.  At 4:45 am, I was still reading.  I hadn’t put it down yet.  In that weekend I read all of books one and two and most of the third one.  When my boss walked into my office the next Monday I told him I had a confession to make.  He said he already noticed it was missing from the shelf and handed me the final book.  As you can imagine, all that teasing I gave him... he gladly returned to me.  So, after weeks of harassment and punishment for my judgment, I became an advocate of vampire books.  I’ve read several different ones in several different series since then.  None of them were as well-written as the Meyer’s series, but entertaining none the less. 

My older sister, Sarah, who also has a love for the vampire books, suggested I read this new series, The House of Night series by PC and Kristin Cast.  So I just started reading the first book, Marked. 

Marked bookcover

While it is probably cheesier and more juvenile then Twilight ended up being, I have really enjoyed it.  I did manage to read nine chapters just before going to bed last night.  Anything that can hold my attention for nine chapters without a break must be pretty good.  One of the things I like most about The House of Night series is that the vampires, or in these books, the vampyres, are all from Tulsa.  The story is based locally.  The main character attends Broken Arrow SIHS at the start of the book.  All the things they talk about are actual places, like Cascia Hall (where the vampyre finishing school is located), the Gilcrease Museum, Philbrook, the Ambassador Hotel… even the Little Black Dress in Utica Square.  While some of the elements are a bit fictionalized, they are actual places that I’ve been to, so there is an immediate connection to the story.  The characters are easy to get attached to as well.  While I’m not far enough in yet to give a book review, I am far enough in to know that I’m hooked.  I have already purchased the first six books and will most likely have them read by the end of the month. 

For more information on the books you can visit the House of Night website.  If you like to read, I would encourage you to check them out.  Don’t worry, they aren’t what Wes Craven and my mom think of vampires… vicious creatures who exist for the sole reason of killing humans… they are just like people, they just live longer and have different diets.  J  If you’re like I was at first, and you’re reluctant to admit you like juvenile vampire books, you can just say you’re supporting a local author… well… at least if you’re from the Tulsa area.  Otherwise you’ll just have to read them when no one else is around.  Save them for a rainy day... pending we have another one in the next couple months.  J